Yes, that series of papers with news on them is a newspaper made specifically for Newsome. Yes, newspapers do still exist. No, they don’t come about by auto-generation, we here at Wolf Tracks News write them.

   In Journalism, we learn the noble profession of being a journalist: someone who writes all about their day in a journal. We take pride in doing hours of research and investigation into articles that you’ll skip past on your way to the word search. When looked at objectively, our use of this paper to share thoughts and facts with people is as effective as a psychopath in a straitjacket screaming at the wall of their padded room.

   Our most impressive findings go unacknowledged. We put the cure for cancer on one page and no one saw it. What page? Read and find out. Frankly, if you’re reading this, you either misclicked while trying to watch “Humans of Newsome” or your name is Mr. Musgrave.

   Some people refuse to read our paper because they believe we are spreading fake news designed to forward the agenda… of tired teenagers I guess. It’s funny because it’s true.

   You can get our papers for the low low price of free! We use ad money to fund our papers. It’s on the last page but no one’s ever made it that far or even tried to flip it over.

   We look forward to going through more weeks of pain scrambling to put together papers that you will find mistakes in despite not reading the content, maybe you’ll at least read this because satire and self-deprecation are funny. Why do we even try?