Warning, the following story may evoke strong emotions in you, our reader. Whether that’s fear, laughter, or anger is a mystery; Either way, you’re welcome. Read further, if you dare.

   It was a dark and probably stormy night, with humid air and disappointingly high temperatures, considering it was almost November. Kids dressed up and walked the streets vaguely threatening people for candy. Some adults choose to indulge these children and the obesity epidemic, while others choose to ignore them and continue with their day like normal. However, one group truly thrived more than ever on that fateful night, fully embracing all the nonreligious aspects of the holiday to create chaos with an energy they would otherwise never be capable of. That group was the high schoolers. 

   Seemingly having nothing more important to do on a Tuesday night, they flooded the streets with driving so reckless that it scared parents more than death itself. Their costumes ranged in quality from a slightly festive shirt to re-creations made with an effort that, if applied to school, could get them into Harvard. 

   They had everything they needed thanks to Spirit Halloween, the only store that can make more money in two months than all of Newsomes’ teachers combined will make in their collective lives.

   Some of the teenagers went trick-or-treating in a desperate attempt to avoid growing up. Some went to parties that seemed to abide by the rules of “The Purge” based on the amount of illegal activities they had. The worst of them lurked in the shadows, scaring the will to live out of unsuspecting creatures. Their victims’ pain triggers their brains to release the happy chemical dopamine, as teenagers’ brain chemistry has been scientifically proven to be similar to that of a psychopath. These teenagers stayed out, doing all these things until well after all the night’s festivities had ended.

   When the high schoolers arrived the next day they had the facial expressions, posture, tone, and brains of a zombie. Their homework was missing, likely a victim of the night. They went on with their days as normal, writing papers like this with grammar so bad it would haunt their English teachers’ dreams.